The Scene of the Crime

Thanksgiving is tomorrow and, as I’ve previously mentioned, we’re hosting it this year. In preparation, our dining room table/chairs have been moved into the garage, and we’ve rearranged the living room furniture to create what amounts to a giant empty space, which will be filled by rented tables and chairs to accommodate the six of us and our fourteen guests.

This morning was like every other morning. Teresa left for work first, and then I took the kids to school on my way to work. Everything seemed normal; nothing seemed amiss. But folks, something was most definitely amiss. Maybe we were all distracted by thoughts of tomorrow’s feast, I dunno. A critical detail was missed as we raced through our morning routine.

Bijou didn’t get locked up. She spent the entire day in the house, unsupervised, on the loose. Ladies and gentlemen, I call your attention to what used to be the living and dining room area of our house.


Teresa had a large stash of Partylite candles, still in their boxes, which Bijou chewed into oblivion (in fact, we’re expecting her to shit a giant candle any time now). Six large decorative grapevine balls (I don’t know what else to call them) were reduced to countless sad little brown twigs. She dragged a 2-liter bottle of 7-Up from the kitchen into the living room and chewed a hole in it, creating a large puddle (at least it was colorless). Surprisingly, she only destroyed one DVD (out of the hundreds at her disposal): Teresa’s copy of Young Guns. Blaze of glory, indeed.

It could have been worse. She could have pissed all over the place (she’s clearly house trained). She could have destroyed the furniture, but she didn’t (I guess she’s spent enough time on the couch to respect it). Hell, she could have torn up the carpet, but it seems perfectly intact (well, except for the giant wet spot, which will hopefully be dry by tomorrow). So yeah, it could’ve definitely been worse. But hell, the day before our big holiday gathering? Really?

Thanks to Logan for cleaning it up. That dog is DAMN lucky I wasn’t the first one home.