The Horror! The Horror!!

Predictably, I spent Halloween handing out candy to grubby little kids, most of whom couldn’t be bothered to utter a simple “thank you” upon receiving handfuls of inorganic, chemically-preserved mini-chocolate bars. The radiant Sierra was on hand to assist. Neither of us dressed up or otherwise immersed ourselves in the spirit of the night (which is strange, since we are of similar temperaments and this is exactly the kind of holiday we should relish). We ran out of candy a bit early, which means we either underestimated the number of trick-or-treaters or we were giving out too much. I think it was the latter (hence the “handfuls” mentioned above).

Kendyl, meanwhile, amassed a giant bag of candy. Props to her for kicking it old school versus dressing up as Hannah Montana like every other eight year-old girl:


Cute, huh? Now we segue into the not-so-cute. My friend Donovan, apparently reveling in the spirit of the season, sent me the following picture of himself, digitally manipulated for maximum ghoulishness:


Not to be outdone, I sent him the following, which was NOT manipulated at all (because I really am one ugly sumbitch):


“Heh heh heh,” I snickered to myself. “Anything he can do, I can do better.”

Oh, how wrong I was. In response (or retaliation), he applied his digital manipulation skills to my picture and came up with the following:


He wins. Hands down. I can’t compete with this. There is nothing uglier or scarier on the face of this earth (except maybe Sarah Palin’s dead moose collection). Happy (ack) belated (ugh) Halloween.