Randomonium

I cannot resist the sweet siren song of the Burgerville double-beef cheeseburger. It calls to me from across town, its warm soothing voice floating atop the brisk autumn breeze. Comforting images of melted cheese and that glorious secret sauce fill my mind, sending my stomach into a fit of ravenous growling not unlike that of an underfed dog, making it impossible to concentrate. Nothing can stand in my way. I must have it. And, ten minutes later, I do. Oh heavenly burger, you never disappoint. I should say burgerS, since I bought three. I will die a fat, fat man, but there will be a smile upon my face. A greasy smile.

My birthday is on Thanksgiving this year. I was actually born on Thanksgiving, so every six or seven years, my birthday and the holiday fall on the same day. As it turns out, several people I know share my birthday: my cousin Alexa, my brother-in-law Jon, the deadbeat father of my stepkids (whose name I won’t mention, because frankly he’s not worth the effort it would take to type it), plus a few celebrities: “Buffalo Bob” Smith (host of Howdy Doody Time), country legend Eddie Rabbit, Caroline Kennedy, actress Brooke Langton, Bruce Lee and…. Jimi Fuckin’ Hendrix! You might think it sucks, sharing a birthday with a holiday. I must point out that I’m guaranteed a big tasty feast (turkey is one of my favorite foods), so how bad can it really be? My sister Karin, meanwhile, has a reason to complain about her birthday: she was born the day after Christmas. Ha!

There are, um, a couple of celebrities who share my birthday that I’m less proud to mention: Robin Givens (come on, she was married to Mike Tyson, so she’s pretty much a total skanketta roast) and Jaleel White (Urkel? I have the same birthday as fucking Urkel???).


On the subject of Thanksgiving: we’re having it at our house this year. It seems that last Thanksgiving, in what I can only assume was a drunken attempt to win the favor of my wife’s extended family, I loudly volunteered to host this year’s festivities. My memory of this event has somewhat dimmed, but my wife’s memory is sharp as a tack. So yeah, we’re stuck. Happy… birthday… to… me….. (I’m actually taking the Friday after off from work, so I’ll still get my “me” day, so it’s all good).

I’m finding it difficult to keep up with my must-see TV shows. I’m two weeks behind on both Boston Legal and Fringe, and worse, I only saw one episode of the most recent season of Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations. I have managed to keep up on my sitcoms (Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother, Two and a Half Men, and The Office), though. Could it be that I’m so chronically unhappy that my brain will only accept funny shows in a sad attempt to create inner cheer? Or is my attention span so tragically small that anything longer than half an hour gets pushed aside?

As I’ve lamented many times in this blog, I have way too much time on my hands here at work. To pass the time this afternoon, I read back through the entirety of my blog so far. Here’s an excerpt from my 10/31/07 entry:

“Others are enjoying the Halloween spirit. Meanwhile, I'm…. not. I'm a sad old man. Tonight I'll watch TV and hand out candy while the rest of world lives it up. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Maybe next year I'll go all out and REALLY celebrate Halloween. You know, if I'm still alive and shit.”

This Halloween (next Friday night), Teresa will be out trick-or-treating with Kendyl. Sierra’s going to a party. Logan and Isaac will undoubtedly be out spreading their unique brand of juvenile delinquency all around town. And me? Little old me? Why, I’ll be alone at home, handing out candy. Again. I seem to be “still alive and shit,” but apparently another year of life hasn’t made one damn bit of difference when it comes to All Hallows Eve.

The one bright spot? I’ll be playing Disney’s Chilling, Thrilling Sounds of the Haunted House album (detailed in my 10/10/08 blog entry) as background ambience for the trick-or-treaters. Muwahahahahahaha…