Hard Nine

I counted the loose change in my desk just now, which is usually a sure sign that I have absolutely nothing to do. I’m frequently bored at work, but when I get ultra, mega, über bored… well, the change gets counted. I’m proud to announce that I have exactly $9.00: 32 quarters, 6 dimes, 6 nickels, and 10 pennies.

What are the odds that I’d end up with an even dollar amount? Math nerds, feel free to chime in with some statistics. Seems pretty improbable. Maybe my luck’s in full bloom. Maybe I should be playing the lottery right about now.

Ha, the lottery. I don’t go near it anymore. For about a year and a half, I was the lottery guy here at work. Ten of us played, twice a week, $2.00 per person per drawing. So twice a week, I’d go around the office with my eager envelope, upon which I’d written a checklist of all ten participates, marking them off as I collected from them. Then I’d go, on my own time, and purchase the tickets the day of the drawing, then check them the following morning. Sometimes we’d win a few bucks, a couple of times we scored a bit more (our biggest take was $100.00), but most of the time we didn’t win anything. Like I said, I did this for a year and a half, and then I’d had enough.

Enough of what, you ask? The twice-weekly disappointment? The constant wasting of money in uncertain economic times? Well sure, those were valid concerns, but there was one primary motivating factor: I’d had enough of being completely taken for granted by my coworkers.

These people were just fucking ridiculous. They’d pay me in change. Yeah, quarters and dimes, usually. All 9 of them, at one time or another, pulled this shit on me. Thing is, the Lotto machine doesn’t take change! So I’d have to front them the bills, then periodically cash in the change at the Coinstar Machine, which charges something like 8%. So I was actually losing money!

They’d take a few days off, or go on vacation, and expect me to cover them. One of them had the gall to imply (on a fairly regular basis) that it was somehow my fault that we weren’t millionaires, as if I had any control over what numbers were being drawn.

When I first got involved, there was system in place in which the participants took turns collecting the money and buying the tickets. Being the new guy, I volunteered my services more often that I probably needed to. Somehow, this turned into me doing it ALL BY MY FUCKING SELF for a year and a half straight. So yeah, I finally got fed up this past March and sent out an email announcing my retirement from the lottery game. None of them responded. Not even one. Ingrates.

Know what’s funny? Since I stopped doing it, they don’t play the lottery anymore. No wait, they did it one time, when the jackpot was really huge, like in April or May. They asked if I wanted in, and I did. We didn’t win. They haven’t played since.

…unless they’re playing behind my back. Watch, they’ll hit the jackpot and leave me high and dry. Seriously, I wouldn’t be surprised.